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Little Movements
Today marks six months (24 weeks) of pregnancy, and only sixteen more weeks to go. Every day, I love feeling her little movements inside me. I wonder what she thinks about and what she feels, and what makes her decide to do somersaults or kick at me. Sometimes, if I focus, I can lie on my back and watch my belly and actually see her tiny flickers of movement, some movements definitely qualifying as more than just flickers though. I daydream about what she looks like, which of my features she will in inherit and which of Kyle's. I imagine the first moment I get to hold her in my arms, presumably after several hours of labor, the most intense moments of my life, for sure. I do feel so bonded already, and I worried that I wouldn't. My eyes are full, tears ready to fall, just thinking about these things as I type. I logged in with the intention to complain, actually. I have been feeling an incredible amount of fear and frustration with Kyle and our relationship, and how things have changed so much already, and how things will continue to change as we adapt to our roles as parents. I also felt I should write some about this reconciliation of sorts with Alyssa, as I failed to do so last time. But I sat down and looked at the blank screen, wondering how to begin my post, when I suddenly felt that familiar flurry of movement right behind my bellybutton, like she just wanted to remind me that she is in there, and everything is good, and even though she still has so much growing to do before we meet, she is mine, and I am her mother, and everything is, well, it's alright. I have her. I have her. And just like that, nothing else mattered, and I was so overcome by this deep feeling of love, and anticipation, and even joy. So, unfortunately, I have to postpone, yet again. How can I sit here and dwell on my fears and frustrations when she is in there, in me, happy as a lark, flipping and kicking and nudging?! As for Alyssa, yes, mostly all good things to write about... but also, a substantial amount. I have to go tend to dinner, which I started before I opened Livejournal. I don't have the time right now, but everything really is quite all right. 


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