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I must have shitty maternal instincts because we are expecting a baby girl! I was absolutely stunned to learn this, because I was certain we'd be welcoming a baby boy this summer, but in fact, it shall be a baby girl. I'm only mildly disappointed, though I hate to say that. It's not like I don't want a girl. My reasons are silly: I wanted to have the first boy in the family, since Lauren had the first two grandchildren, and also, I fear that the poor thing will never get to wear anything new due to an abundance of free hand-me-downs I have been offered by everyone I know it seems, from Lauren, to my co-workers. But I think every woman has something of a desire to have a baby girl, right? I have always imagined myself with two boys for some reason. But that is not to say that I never wanted girls, I just had this gut feeling I wouldn't ever have one. I am elated to be having a girl! I do, of course, also have some fears about raising a girl, because I truthfully do believe boys are just easier. I keep thinking of the way I was, mostly as a teen. I don't know how I feel about raising a miniature me, and what are daughters but miniatures of their mothers? I often feel like I inherited only the bad things about my mother, but sure enough, I'm still so much like her. I know we developed similar "coping skills." Actually, I guess that is really the biggest thing I think I got from her, but what a horrible trait to replicate! I try to think of the good things too. I know I have her laugh, her smile, and her eyes. But those aren't personality things. She was always a social butterfly, and that's never been me. She worked hard too, which is another thing I think I lack. Ah, her love of animals, and compassion! I got those from her, I think. There. Some good things. And anyway, I have inherited plenty from my father as well, like his sense of humor and his cynicism. Ironic, huh? Perhaps you do take just as much from each parent. That'd be fine by me; Kyle is nearly perfect in my eyes. I hope she doesn't get his addictive personality or his lack of creativity, but other than that, she can take it all from him for all I care! And me...? I don't know... maybe she will love the way I love. Maybe that will be the one good thing she will get from her mother- an ability to love. 


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